


i'm honestly feeling so attacked right now

by Dresupi



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, BAMF Darcy Lewis, Blow Jobs, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, Cunnilingus, Darcy Lewis is the fandom bicycle and I love it, Deadpool being Deadpool, Established Relationship, F/M, Face-Sitting, Fucking For Warmth, Hacker Darcy Lewis, Huddling For Warmth, I Argue With Wade, Multiple Orgasms, Oral Sex, POV Darcy Lewis, POV Multiple, POV Wade Wilson, Plot Devices, Porn With Plot, SHIELD Agent Darcy Lewis, SHIP DARCY LEWIS WITH ALL THE THINGS, Shameless Smut, Smut, Swearing, Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 22:39:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13374552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dresupi/pseuds/Dresupi
Summary: In which Darcy is a kick-ass S.H.I.E.L.D hacker, and Wade is her doting boyfriend.Basically, some shit hits the fan, and no one is safe from attack.  Including the author.Porn with bonus plot.





	i'm honestly feeling so attacked right now

**Author's Note:**

  * For [georgiagirlagain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/georgiagirlagain/gifts).



> ENJOY THIS THING. IT IS NOT BETAED. SO ENJOY IT IN ALL ITS MISTAKEY GLORY.

**Darcy**

* * *

 

_ “All clear, agent.  Ready when you are.” _

Darcy’s stomach fluttered a little.  Probably just the remnants of excitement that Agent Romanoff had assured her would get snuffed out the more missions she went on.  Darcy had to agree with her, her belly definitely wasn’t ready to take off in flight anymore like it had when she first started taking field missions.  

But this was her first solo mission. As in, she was going in. Just her.  No one else.  Except for the always wonderful Cameron Klein in her ear.  Albeit, it wasn’t anything TOO big of a mission or whatever.  Just a weapon extraction from an otherwise abandoned base.  But she did need to hack the computers, so that’s why she was here.  She was one of their best hackers.  Not as good as Daisy Johnson, but still pretty damn good.  

“Copy,” she replied.  “I’m goin’ in. Over and out.”  She smoothed her hands down her tact pants and made for the entrance. It was bitterly cold and she was glad for once that she’d opted for the one-piece tact suit.  It was warm.  Kept out the wind.  And there was a snowstorm blowing in.  Hence the no backup, no extraction.  She’d just ride out with the rest of the tech team when they came in after the storm.  

In through the gate.  To the center building.  Hack the system, lower the weapon’s security. Change the passwords.  Make for one of the cabins in the back to wait out the storm..  

She had her orders.  And for once, it looked like nothing was going to get in her way.  

Which was good.  Higher-ups were going to start asking questions if every fucking mission she went on turned into a huge circus with M.O.D.O.K in the center ring.  That little brain in a jar had it out for her.  Fucking knock-off Craang.  

_ Maybe _ he had it out for her. Possibly.  She still wasn’t really sure.  He never seemed to remember her name.  Probably thought she was any number of brunette peons employed by S.H.I.E.L.D.  But seriously.  It was starting to look suspicious.  

But there was no way she was going to run into M.O.D.O.K today.  No sirree. This weapon was decommissioned years ago, S.H.I.E.L.D just wanted to cannibalize the parts for something else.  Something about some screws and bolts that weren’t made anywhere anymore.  Some kind of vibranium stuff.  

For all she knew, it was a way to cut corners that was cheaper than increasing their shipment from Wakanda.  Or maybe it was S.H.I.E.L.D attempting to be green for once.   

Whatever it was, it was a ho-hum boring mission up in the middle of Canada  that merited no backup, because this weapon was just slightly less useless than her boss thought she was.  Her boss, whose password for everything was indeed ‘password’.  Darcy rolled her eyes at the thought.  If her boss knew how many times she’d saved his ass from certain digital annihilation, he’d be singing a different tune.  

But not today.  Today, it was hacking the boring, useless weapon’s security system so that the team could come in and get all the vibranium screws and bolts they needed.    

She’d kind of thought it was weird that it had a security system at all if it wasn’t dangerous and no one knew where it was or wanted to hike out here to get it, but asking questions wasn’t her job, according to her boss.  Mike ‘My password is password’ Finnigan.  

Besides.  This was a Hydra base.  No chance in hell that A.I.M would be caught dead sniffing around here.     

* * *

 

Famous last words.  Or last thoughts maybe, since she wasn’t talking?  

Darcy was hard-pressed to care about the subtle nuances of her inner monologue at the moment, but she supposed this was probably her brain’s little way of trying to cope with the shitshow that had unfolded around her.  

She’d traipsed into the ‘abandoned’ camp, and nearly tripped over three A.I.M agents who were headed to the same place she was, except they were ahead of her.  And there were three of them.  Which, the last time she checked, outnumbered her.  

“Fuck…” she swore, pulling her weapon and taking a few shots to try to thin the ranks.  They were all three shooting at her and calling for backup.  And she was doing the same, but fuck fuck  _ fuck _ , there was no backup nearby.   She was a fucking sitting duck out here alone.  

She ducked into one of the buildings, barricading the door and taking advantage of the thick cement walls as cover.  At least it’d be a while before they were able to break in here.  Maybe she’d have half a chance if she could find a place to hide.  It was a large empty room.  It looked like it maybe used to house vehicles, if the dark lumps in the back were any indication.   

If there was ever a time for a secret passageway from a garage to someplace outside the compound, now would be the time. 

There was no such luck on the secret passageway, but she did manage to find an air duct big enough to crawl through.  It was better than nothing, and maybe she could get a better view on them from the ceiling if they came in here.

So up into the ceiling she went, feeling her phone vibrate in her back pocket as she made her way up.  She thanked her lucky stars that she’d turned the ringer off, and prayed that her butt would be enough to muffle the sound once she was in the duct. 

She climbed up and forward, gaining a few inches and stopping every so often to make sure no one followed her into the building.  They hadn’t, and she was able, in about twenty minutes time, to shimmy forward enough to make for the vent on the roof of the building.  She didn’t dare try to break out yet, if her head popped up now, she’d only have seconds before whack-a-mole began.  

Well, it was probably more like shoot-a-mole if you played it like this.  

But again, no time for subtle nuances.  No one was hearing this but her.  

_ Coping mechanism _ , she assured herself.   _ You’re sane because of it. _

_ Sane because you have arguments with yourself in your own head. _

“Agent Lewis?” a voice came in through her headset.  “Are you able to speak? Over.”  

“In an air duct,” she murmured.  “In one of the garage buildings.  Over.”  

“There’s backup coming.  Sit tight until you get the signal.”  The voice sounded familiar, but it definitely wasn’t Cam. 

“What’s the signal?” she asked. There was no backup anywhere nearby, so she was confused.  

“I dunno, squish, but I’m thinking something a bit more noticeable than your safe words.” 

“ _ Wade _ ,” she stated, a wave of relief washing over her. Relief that superseded the confusion she felt about why in the  _ fuck _ her boyfriend was now on her com.  “How in the hell… you know what?  Talk later.”  

“Later, honey. Over and out.”   

* * *

 

**Wade**

* * *

 

To start out, Wade did not make a habit out of showing up on his girlfriend’s jobs.  Let’s get that clear right from the start.  Darcy was an independent woman and everything she did, everything she’d ever accomplished, was on her own.  She didn’t need no man.  

Which was why it was totally hot that she had Wade to begin with.  

And she  _ had _ him, make no mistake.  Wade was fine being a kept man.  And Darcy kept him well, dammit.  She managed to keep him  _ and  _ be some amazing S.H.I.E.L.D hacker.

She was amazing with those hacker skills.  She might  _ say _ she wasn’t the best S.H.I.E.L.D had, but if she wasn’t, tell him why they sent her on all the super important jobs.  Sure, she rolled her eyes at all the decommissioned weapons, but listen.  As someone who knew a thing or three about weapons, even decommissioned, those things were impressive.  And vibranium was hella hard to get a hold of.  And they sent her in solo on this op.  The fucking Black Widow got solo ops. So when it came to hacking, his girlfriend was  _ just _ as kick ass.  Just with a different skill set.  

And he was  _ fine _ to support her from afar, and especially to rub her feet afterwards.  And anything else she needed rubbed. He was very good at rubbing parts of Darcy.  

Darcy could take care of herself.  That was the point Wade was trying, albeit badly, to get across.  

But when she butt-dialed him while on this solo mission, and he heard all the shit that was hitting the fan, well…  like hell he was letting his girl go without backup.  

Fuck S.H.I.E.L.D for not taking better care of her.  

He scooped up his katanas and suited up.  Not because she was a damsel in distress, because she was the epitome of the self-rescuing damsel.  

Nope.  He suited up because S.H.I.E.L.D fucking dropped the ball.  And while that wasn’t surprising, he didn’t want any ball dropping that happened to involve his girlfriend.  In fact, the only balls he wanted anywhere near his girlfriend were  _ his _ .  And then she could do whatever she wanted with them.  

OH, and also? She was up in his homeland of Canada.  So, it was either going to be him or Wolverine.  And like hell he was going to let Wolverine save his girlfriend.  Wade was capable, thanks. Unless he wasn’t, and then Wolverine could save them both. Maybe?  

_ A/N:  No Wade.  This isn’t an Ot3.  Maybe next time. _

_ -Aw, shucks.   _

It was kind of simple to figure out the exact location, actually.  And with that quinjet on ‘loan’ from the Avengers… well…  

It wasn’t  _ exactly _ on loan.  It was more like on… ‘borrow’.  But they’d definitely want to help out if Wade had taken the time to explain what was going on instead of blowing up the side of their quinjet hangar because Fox had been bought out by Disney and he’d finally been given a pyrotechnics budget.  He was pretty sure it wasn’t supposed to be used to blow up their own property, but he didn’t really give a shit.  

He had some rescuing to do.  And he was notoriously bad at rescuing.  So like… he needed all the help he could get.  He placed his hand on the screen in the center of the console, trying to think of a passcode to sign in.  

“Uhhhh…” he paused for a minute.  “Disney’s Newest Princess?”  

“Welcome, Deadpool,” a computery voice replied as the console came to life.  

“Holy Donkey Dongs, Batman.”  

_ Yeah.  Wade.  Can’t say Batman.   _

“Holy Donkey Dongs… Iron Man?”  

_ That’s somewhat better.   _

“Let’s get  _ dangerous _ .”

_ Darkwing Duck is Disney, so I suppose that works. _

_ -Now to magically maneuver my way through this snowstorm side-plot you’ve so lovingly started…   _

_ Oh hush, Wade.   _

* * *

 

After hacking into her headset feed, he gave a big exhale to psych himself up.  It was true he couldn’t die, but that didn’t mean a dude couldn’t get scared of the shit that he was jumping into.  

He glanced around the tree he was hiding behind.  This was seriously turning into an Elmer Fudd cartoon.  If A.I.M were the wascally wabbits.  

But then that made him the trigger happy hunter with a speech impediment who never got what he wanted.

No way was he the Elmer Fudd here.  

Yeah.  So  _ Wade _ was the wascally wabbit in this scenario.  

Memo to self, if you can choose to be anything, be the wascally wabbit.  You get carrots and the trigger happy gun nut  _ always _ loses.  

After just one last deep breath, he sprung out from behind the tree, expecting to draw fire.  What he didn’t expect was to just be ignored completely because every fucking A.I.M agent in the free world and beyond was currently circling a building.  

If he had to guess, he’d say it was the one Darcy was in.  Just through process of elimination and the fact that he wasn’t an idiot.  

Wade jammed his katanas back into their holsters and with a groan, tried to make as much noise as possible as he stomped closer to a group of them.  “Hey A.I.M-holes!”  He waved one arm in the air, frowning when they didn’t so much as bat an eye.  

And that wasn’t a figure of speech, these fuckers weren’t blinking.  

And it was just this side of unsettling, if he was telling the truth.  Which why wouldn’t he?  

_ Oh, I can think of a few reasons.  DRAMA.   _

- _ Shut uuuppppppp.  This is my story.  I don’t need you calling me out over here for being a drama queen.  I know it, you know, the reader knows it.  It’s ‘redundant’.  Isn’t that why you edited my inner monologue up there?  Ms.-I-would-like-a-certain-word-count-on-this-fic?  HMMMM?   _

_ I thought you were a drama princess though… _

_ -Titles are irrelevant.  And don’t you dare go off on a google tangent to find the right term to address me with, because the haters can just stfu, there is smut planned ahead, this fic is rated E.  Darcy and I would both like to commence with the smut.  If they want to know the correct address for a princess vs. a queen, perhaps they shouldn’t be looking in a Deadpool smutfic. Aaaaaand now you’ve got me off-topic… where was I?  Oh right.     _

These fuckers weren’t blinking.

Wade walked closer, holding out his hand and waving it in front of their faces.  “What the actual fuck?”  

_ I think they’re droids.   _

_ -Well, I guess you would know, wouldn’t you? _

_ These are not the droids you’re looking for.   _

_ -Who’s splitting fandoms now?  Sheesh…   _

_ It’s all Disney, Wade.   _

Sighing heavily and rolling his eyes up towards the heavens, except he was wearing a mask so no one could know that but him he reached for one of his newly sharpened katanas and swung out, slicing a robotic arm off the extremely un-lifelike droid.  

It made a strange gurgley sound and rounded on him.  Correction.  They  _ all _ rounded on him.  Hive mind, most likely.  

_ Correct.   _

_ -Gee, thanks.  Any clue about how I beat these fuckers? _

_ I actually don’t know, I was hoping Darcy would just like… hop down and save you once you got them all following you.  Because hacker things.   _

_ -Well hop to it, Writer-lady!    _

He backed up, swinging his katana and taking a few more robot arms with him.  One of the robots raised its remaining arm, blaster gun in hand and Wade thought momentarily that he was a goner, except just as the robot started to squeeze the trigger, every single one of the droids fell into a pile of scrap, bolts, and uncanny-valley-esque fake skin.  

He looked up, waving at the far off shape of his girlfriend standing on the roof of said building.  “Thanks, babe!” he said into the com. 

“Likewise!” she replied. “Just a little sneaky hacking.”  

“How did you know they were droids?”  

“I didn’t, I was freaking the hell out until you chopped one of their arms off.  Then I kind of figured it out.  It’s a good thing A.I.M uses Android OS on their Droid bot squad.”  She waggled her S.H.I.E.L.D issue phone. 

“Can I help you down?”  he asked.  

“Nah, there’s a ladder, I’ll be right with you.  Then I need to hack the security measures so the tech team  can lower them when they come in…”  

“I thought they weren’t sending in someone…???”  

She shook her head. “Not today.  Snowstorm.  No one until tomorrow.”  

“How convenient…”  He shot another look up into the sky, seemingly giving the clouds a thumbs up.  “Well, it’s a good fucking thing that I showed up then…” he said.  “They were gonna leave you until tomorrow? Tell me there’s a safe house.”

“There are cabins nearby.  Officers’ quarters back in the day.   It’s just across the way, there.”   

* * *

 

‘Just a teeny hike’ turned into a short trek through the woods.  Not too long, but long enough to eat up another five hundred words.  Wade wasn’t really minding it, though.  Except it was cold as fuck.  

“I wasn’t expecting A.I.M to be here,” she said.  “But no one else is going to bother with this place with that snowstorm coming.”

“These cabins have heat?” Wade asked.  Both for a plot device  _ and _ because it was getting kind of cold.  More than kind of.  It was downright nippy.  And he was Canadian.  So that was saying something. 

“We’ll just have to see when we find them, “Darcy replied.  “I certainly hope so, but if not, I can think of a thing or two we could do to keep warm.”  

“Huddle for warmth, perhaps?” He offered.  “Strip down naked under the one blanket on the one bed and…”  

“I was going to say ‘fuck for warmth’, actually.  But if you want to huddle, we could do that, I guess.”  

“I really like you, Darce.  You go straight for the dick and it’s totally awesome.”  

She shrugged, tossing her ponytail before speeding up her pace.  “C’mon.  These tact suits are insulated, but there is a limit.  And I’m pretty sure the temperature surpassed that a couple degrees ago…” She hurried forward down the worn path in the woods. They were walking along the chain link fence, so still well within the compound.  

Wade certainly hoped there weren’t any bears or anything.  Or that they weren’t going to run another mutant out here.  Wolverine or anyone. Not that he was hinting.  Okay, he totally was. He eyed the word counter hopefully.  There was still plenty of room for a third to join them.   

_ No, Wade.  No Logan this time.  Maybe next time though.   _

_ -Hugh Jackman is amazingly gorgeous though.  Even if he is too tall to play Wolvie.   _

_ Just you and Darce this time. _

_ -FINE.   _

The cabins finally came into view and Darcy broke into a shivery-cold-run sort of gait to get to the door.  Which was locked.  Of fucking course.  

“Allow me…” Wade reached into his tact belt, which was, obviously, full of all the things he’d need to pick the lock because plot device again.  

_ Now who’s calling who out? _

_ -I’m pretty sure it’s whom. _

_ *Epic eye roll* _

Just as he was about to get the lock open, the lock picking tools burst into flames and reduced themselves to cinders before his eyes.  Now he was going to have to find  _ another _ way to break into the cabin.  

_ -Oh, come ON.  Are you kidding me? _

_ Maybe you shouldn’t correct the grammar of the one who holds your fragile little libido in her hands.   _

_ -SORRY.  I’m sorry, forgive me forever.   _

Thankfully, the door swung open anyway and he held his arm out to allow Darcy to enter first.  “After you.”  

She pushed him inside and closed the door after them.  “Just get in there and warm me up.”  

“Yes, ma’am.”  

She peeled up the bottom of his mask and pressed her lips to his.  “Sofa,” she murmured before hopping up on the front of him.  

“Got it…” he murmured in reply, nearly running into her back when she stopped walking.   

“Did your lockpicking tools just like… burst into flames?” she asked.  

“Yeah.  It happens.  They were made out of something really combustive…  I’m gonna have to like…  get--”  

“I don’t even care, just... “ She slid her tongue into his mouth and that was enough of a reason, honestly.

* * *

 

**Darcy**

* * *

 

Darcy yanked a few blankets out of a chest, silently thanking the powers that be that no dust or moths came with them.  

She carefully peeled back the sheet covering the couch and rumpled it into a ball, tossing it aside and plopping down onto the soft, squeaky sofa.  She held out her hands for Wade, who flopped down beside her and leaned over to kiss her again.  

“Nuh-uh… uniform off,” she dictated, waggling her finger.  “I am not attempting to peel aside leather in the heat of the moment.”  

He gripped his mask and tugged it off.  “You’re the boss.”  

She took not-so-secret pleasure in hearing those words.  In  _ that _ voice. He had a great wrecked voice.  Darcy approved of Wade’s wrecked voice.  Very much.  

The gloves came off next and Darcy sat back, propping her feet on the coffee table as she enjoyed the show that was her hella  _ hot _ boyfriend removing all of his leather trappings.  

She hadn’t been expecting to see him today, or anytime in the next week, so she was relishing all the extra amazing sex she was about to have.  

Darcy was glad that he knew where all the hidden zippers were on his suit, because there was no way she was going to be able to find them in the fit of passion she could feel building.  

Also his boots.  Hella sexy.  Also hella laces.  

He was stripped down to his polka dot boxers soon enough and she was running her hands up his arms in no time, cupping his face and pulling him closer.  She straddled his lap, reaching for the zipper on her tact suit.  

There were several advantages to wearing the jumpsuit version of the S.H.I.E..L.D uniform.  Ease of getting dressed and undressed was one of them.   

What wasn’t nice was forgetting about her own boots and having to reach back from an awkward position and unlace them before she could remove them.  

Her own undergarments were more practical than sexy, but Wade didn’t seem to mind.  He tugged her close in his lap, bucking up to grind his hips against hers, causing the hard line of his erection to nudge against her.  Which felt fucking amazing.  

She caught her lip between her teeth and started rocking against him, the smooth fabric of her panties eased her movements, making every move a painstaking tease.  

His hands came up to cup her breasts, thumbs rolling over the hard peaks of her nipples.  “I missed you, Darce.  Missed you so fucking bad…”  

She hummed slightly, leaning down to ghost her mouth over his, to tease his lips until he was leaning forward, chasing her as she moved back.  

Placing  a leg on the floor, she ran her tongue across her teeth as she moved down off his lap.  “Missed  _ you _ .”

“Darcy… you don’t have to…” She leaned forward, nuzzling his erection in his shorts and giggling a little when he moaned, his head falling back on the couch.  

“I want to…” she assured him, tugging down on the waistband of his boxers until he pushed up and allowed her to pull them down over his hips.  His erection bobbed slightly in their wake, she leaned forward to lick the clear bead of precum from the tip.    

She reached for one of the blankets in the pile beside Wade on the couch.  She kept it folded as best she could and used it as a cushion for her knees.  Another went around her shoulders because it was starting to get cold.  

Then she wrapped her hand around his cock, pumping it once and grinning up at him.  He was searingly hot, and she wanted to get her mouth on him.  

“You’re so warm…” she murmured, leaning forward just far enough to wrap her lips around the head.  She flicked her tongue against him, the warm, saltiness spreading over her tongue as she slowly but surely began to suck him further back.  

“Fuck, Darcy… you are… fuck…” Wade slid his hand into her hair, resting it on the back of her head.  Not pressing, never pressing, just holding it there as she laved her tongue around the thick head of his cock.  

“Mmmm…” She flicked around the head once more, feeling him grow stiffer as she squeezed around the base, allowing her thumb to trace light circles over his balls.  

“Oh fuck, you never forget the balls… that’s why you’re the best girlfriend ever…” he muttered, his hips bucking slightly.  

She inhaled sharply, moving down his shaft and bobbing her head slightly.  It was still at a comfortable place for her, but she was preparing to take him further back.  All he way back.  

He couldn’t fuck her mouth from this position, but she could certainly fuck him with it.  

She removed her hand from the base of his cock, letting one hand slide up his thigh and the other drifted down between his legs, fondling his balls and making the breath catch in his throat as she bobbed deeper, inhaling to counter her gag reflex as she took him back as far as she could, until her nose brushed against him.  

She bobbed her head, a messy amount of saliva coating his dick as she moved her head up and down in his lap.  Every few thrusts she took him to the back of her throat. She varied the strokes, so the sounds of his pleasure were sporadic.  Interspersed with his babbling incoherent speeches about how he wanted to give her mouth a fucking trophy.  

She wasn’t sure if it was a trophy for fucking, or just a trophy and he was excited.

He stopped her twice.  

The first time was because he was about to cum and he didn’t want to yet.  

She could feel it building, he always clenched his thighs, his abs shook from the effort.  “Stop… stop, baby…” he whimpered.  

She did, licking her lips and smiling up at him before turning to kiss her way down his legs.  “Tell me when you’re good…” 

She was sucking a mark on the inside of his thigh when he nodded his assent.  “I’m good… oh fuck, I’m good.”  She was only about halfway down his shaft when he stopped her again.  “Your turn, Sugar Lips…”  

* * *

 

He was on the floor before she could really protest (not that she wanted to, laying on his back and coaxing her to come scoot up his torso and center herself over his face. He tugged on her panties, pulling them down over her hips and waiting as she shifted to the side to remove them completely. 

It was a millisecond after she’d straddled his head once more that he he ran his tongue up her slit. Darcy suddenly realized which lips he was referring to with his little nickname before.  

“Oh fuck…” she moaned into the empty room, rocking herself over his willing mouth as he casually rolled the tip of his tongue over her aching clit.  

She could tell how fucking wet she was.  It was probably all over his face, with the way he was nuzzling up into her.  

He moaned and she reached back to lightly stroke his dick, moving her hand up and down the shaft as he did his best to lave his tongue over every part of her.  She rocked steadily over his face, letting him give her the best tongue lashing she’d ever had.  

Her thighs were quivering before too long.  “Let me give you two?” he murmured, his words muffled by her thighs as he flicked over her clit steadily.  “Like this?”  

She agreed, nodding her head and moaning as the first orgasm rolled through her body. Like a hot wave of sensation. From her core to her toes and her fingertips.  Her thighs shook and he was still flicking her clit with the same intensity as she came down.  

He wrapped his arms around her thighs and doubled down on her clit, making sounds come out of her that she might deny ever having made, except the things he was doing between her legs were beautiful.  It was too much and just enough.  Just the way she liked it.  

Her thighs tightened as her clit panged.  It ached with every swipe he gave it, he held her close and began to flick harder, wiggling his head back and forth a little as her muscles began to tighten of their own accord.  

“Oh Wade…” she groaned. “Close.  I’m close, babe… oh fuck… oh fuck…”  

The second orgasm wasn’t nearly as intense as the first, but it still took her breath away, made her practically cry out his name, pulling back from him when it was too much.  Wade grinned up at her from between her legs, licking his lips as she pulled herself up onto the couch, since her legs were like jelly and useless.  

“You are really good with your mouth…” she confessed on an exhale.  “Too good.  Goddamn, Wade.”  

He climbed up beside her, his cock still hard and leaking.  He wrapped his hand around it, not sliding it up and down, but just holding himself still.  “Still not as good as you deserve.  If I was any kind of man, I’d keep you cumming all fucking day…”  

She sighed in contentment.  “Wouldn’t that take the novelty out of it?”  

“Not the ways I’d do it,” he replied, careful to accentuate the plural of ‘way’.  

* * *

 

Darcy wasn’t sure she could take anymore pressure on her clit right them.  But that was okay, because it gave her an idea for what they could do next.  Something they didn’t do often enough, if she was being honest.  

“You wanna put it in my ass?” she asked, arching an eyebrow and reaching down for her tact suit.  She fished around in the pocket, producing a tiny packet of lube.  “I brought this for myself, but I figure it’d work really well for this too.”  

Wade groaned and reached for the lube, taking it from her before pulling her close.  He kissed her mouth hard, leaving the taste of  _ her  _ on her lips. 

“You’re swell, Darcy Lewis.  So fucking swell.”  

She rolled over onto her belly, propping up on the arm of the couch as he moved into position behind her.  She felt the couch jump a little as he undoubtedly tore open the lube.  He let one hand move over her assas he squeezed the lube out onto his cock.  She could hear the slick sound of his hand as he moved it over the length.  

And then she could  _ feel _ the slickness as he let two fingers play around her anus.  They slipped in and out, scissoring slightly to work her open. He rubbed his hand up her back to relax her before moving his cock up to press slightly against her ass.  

He worked slowly, letting her get used to him as he worked himself further in.  His hand squeezed at her hip reassuringly.  He thrust shallowly, earning long moans from Darcy as his dick stretched her open.  

When his hips pressed against hers, neither of them was breathing.  Not until he pulled back and pushed forward again, making her cry out at the sensation. It felt  _ really  _ good.  She likely wouldn’t come like this.  Not with her clit being so thoroughly worked over, but listening to him get off was one of her favorite things to do. 

“Oh fuck, Darce…” Wade groaned, hands squeezing almost painfully on her hips as he established a rhythm.  “You’re so tight.  So fucking warm.  Oh my…  _ fuck _ …”  

When he came, there was a hot burst of fluid inside her, making her toes curl as he rocked into her.  

Wade never lasted long when they did this, but she figured it’d get better with time.  Darcy thought she’d like to have both him  _ and _ a toy inside her at the same time.  Eventually. Wade would probably be into that. 

* * *

 

He pulled her close afterwards, nuzzling into the back of her neck.  She tugged the blanket up over them.  Just because they were now sweating didn’t mean they didn’t need to cover up.  

“I’m glad you came up here,” she murmured, reaching for his hand.  “I have no fucking clue how you flew a quinjet up in that storm though.”  

“To be fair, I don’t either.  It just happened.  Like it was scripted or something.  Like it was supposed to happen.”  

“Like you were meant to come up here so we could have anal on some random couch in an abandoned cabin?”  

“Yeah.  Like that.  It’s fate.  Your ass and my dick were fated to come together.”  

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me some sugar. Please. You saw how Wade called me out.


End file.
